My anxiety update | What’s going on in my life at the moment
I am aware I have been quiet on the blog front for the last two weeks, for a mixture of reasons. One of the main ones sadly being my anxiety got the better of me, but I am slowly getting back to myself and I am taking the measures to get myself better and healthier as ever. So I thought why not post an anxiety update?
When I started this blog I never wanted to sugar coat anything, and I think being honest about my anxiety really helps because it reminds me there is nothing to be afraid of. Two weeks ago, my anxiety started playing up as I had a lot of changes/things to do in my life so I thought I would update you on how my anxiety is. I had my anniversary with Lyle, I was moving house, I had Lyle’s birthday and my mum’s 40th birthday and I was also going back to the office after five months of working from home. Sadly all of these pressures got the best of me but I am getting ahead of myself, so let’s start at the beginning.
Firstly, I have a blog post about moving house and my anniversary with Lyle so check that out first to get filled in! I don’t really go into detail about my anxiety about my relationship, but being honest this is my first adult relationship and is now my longest relationship. I find it scary building that trust that they want the same things as me. Reaching the two-year mark was honestly really scary for me as I can’t believe two years have passed since I met Lyle. I am extremely happy with Lyle, he’s my best friend, boyfriend, and family all rolled into one, so I am really lucky to have someone so supportive and patient as him. We are so excited to start planning our future abroad.
I was anxious about moving home because I haven’t lived with my mum properly in over five years. I have been very independent from a young age and moved out pretty promptly. My mum and I are very similar and I expected us to clash a lot but to my surprise, we actually haven’t – well it’s only been three weeks, but still happy it’s not happened. One of the main reasons I wanted to move home was because I want to spend as much time as I can with my younger siblings before I jet off. After all, I know it’s going to be difficult to see them once we get to Australia because the flights are so long and expensive. Being home and getting to watch Disney movies and baking has been incredible.
Getting to the good bit, I had my mum’s 40th birthday on Thursday and then Lyle’s 25th on Friday, as you can imagine my week was pretty busy. I had the worst day on Wednesday as I was so exhausted from sorting everything and I was worried that it wouldn’t all go to plan and with around five hours of sleep, my anxiety got the best of me. (5 hours sounds like a good amount, but I need my solid 8 since cutting out caffeine) Slowly but surely through Thursday and Friday, I started to feel more like myself and I could enjoy the celebrations.
On Saturday night we did go out in Edinburgh, but I am going to make a separate blog post on this as it’s a weekend full of activities, but drinking all day Saturday didn’t help my anxiety on Sunday. Being completely honest with myself it was probably one of the worst hangovers I’ve had physically and mentally. I’ve decided to go sober for the rest of the year.
I know this sounds silly and cliché “Never drinking again blah blah” but it’s something I’ve thought about for a while now and want to be able to attend events, go out with friends and not drink because I feel pressured that I have to because everyone else is. The aftermath of alcohol just isn’t worth it for me anymore and I feel like I am working hard all week to build my mental health, my confidence, and mindset to then restart the next week because my anxiety is back. It’s a very hard loop to break but I’ve got great support and I can’t wait to look back and see the results in a few months.
On Monday, I was working in the office for the first time in 5 months, which is crazy to think. I only started my job in February, so I’ve worked at home longer than I’ve been in the office, which has its pros and cons. It’s been difficult to build work relationships over quick five-minute phone calls, but then I find that to be positive because I know I am leaving in a few months and I don’t want to get attached to my job… like I usually do.
I was anxious to go back because I didn’t really know the office that well, the people, socializing again and the office is split 50/50 so sadly I am not on the rota with everyone I speak to except one girl in my department (she is the best work buddy, to be honest) but it’s Thursday now and I’m feeling much more confident about being back.
It’s hard to summarise my anxiety and how I felt over a week because I can feel a million different emotions. Sometimes they aren’t always rational but I like reflecting on how I felt, even at the bad parts because I can learn how to overcome it quicker next time and not let it affect my plans and my emotions so much.
SO, to summarise: I’ve decided to go sober, I’m currently reading The Chimp Paradox – The Mind Management by Professor Steve Peters which is honestly mind-blowing, I’m on chapter 5, but I will most definitely be making a blog post about it and I hope you take my advice to read it! I’ve also picked my blogging back up as I finally have some motivation again. Overall, it’s been a hard couple of weeks, but I am more than ready to get back to it. I’ll be sure to post another anxiety update soon!